Why do you get an urge to follow God and learn his will?

For one, the bible states God is a loving god. Yet, so many believers practice hate. I follow God b/c he is good, not evil. I don't follow him b/c someone has taught me if I am not for christianity, I am against them (the only way to God). Concluding, I am against God. Therefore, I am scared to question anything a teacher of Christianity or a person of Christianity is telling me. Or, any other religion for that matter. Jesus stated the only way to God is through him, b/c there were a lot of people following the doctrines of a crucifying and false church at that time. His point was I am God's son; I teach from the heart of God not from the hand of man. Follow me and you shall learn the truth not the lies of the church. I don't want to lead anyone the wrong way. But, a lot of times I have witnessed a preacher misinterpret a phrase from the bible. For instance, the debate about technology. A lot of Christians are against technology, but utilize the latest products. There not in the woods hunting for their food and living in caves. Also, one preacher mistakenly stated a barcode was 666 in binary when it actually was 555. Another time was about tiding. The bible phrase was saying about giving to people less fortunate than oneself. However, the preacher only referenced the part about giving. She added, giving to the church. I know in my heart a being of greater good exists and it triumphs over evil. If I don't believe this, then killing children and so forth aren't wrong. Anti-christ will proclaim to be of God, but it is the way he treats people that will give him away. By proclaiming to be God, he can win souls that will perform evil acts on his behalf. Just b/c you proclaim his name and memorize scriptures doesn't mean deep in your heart you love god. You are trying to be saved from suffering. I'm not criticizing any one. I want people to learn the true essence of God, which I have not fully learned. I'm seeking his will by praying for some light in the darkness. I realize some of my beliefs may be wrong. That's why I'm still here on earth. I'm learning. I'm seeking. How are you seeking God if you already know everything? Also, God gave us a brain for a reason so we won't be fooled by the devil. If I want something from you will I show up as the wolf. No, I will show up in sheeps clothing.